I was reminded tonight of a particular Girl Scout experience of mine. I was in the 6th grade. A CHILD. A MERE CHILD. Our troop leader decided it was a good idea to take us all to a Winter Survival camp hosted by our local girl scout organziation. It started out well, believe it or not. Our first task was to break into teams and build a shelter in case we were stuck in cold conditions and needed warmth. Guess who was named team leader?! That's right, girl scout reject, Jenilee. I surprised myself and everyone else there. My team won! I don't know how. Our shelter was just a bunch of sticks pushed up against a tree with leaves all over the top. To top it off, that picture was in the newspaper the next day, and my 6th grade teacher announced it to the whole class and stapled the clipping to the bulletin board. Thanks. Thanks a lot.
So, you are probably thinking, "Way to go! See, you can survive in the winter!" The story is not over. Next, we had to learn how to use a compass. You know, in case we ever get lost in the woods. I don't go in the woods, so I considered this information irrelevent. So, I just started chatting with my girlfriends. Little did I know, we were going to have to show that we could guide ourselves in a certain direction. I failed. I went west when I was supposed to go north. Or something like that. I was hating my life. And Miss Pro girl scout leader was not happy with me. I can still remember her face. UGGHH.
Things got worse. Much worse. The final task was to break into groups of 4 (other girls you didn't know). We received our tents, supplies, and basic provisions and were sent on our merry way to find a spot to camp for the night. If we needed assistance, we were to blow our whistle 3 times. Seriously? They promised they would be able to hear us. One of the girls on my team suddenly claimed to have cramps and had to go home. CONVENIENT, sister! YEAH RIGHT. She lied. I know it. I was on to her. So we were down to three. The other 2 decided to sneak off to other camp sites and hang out with friends. No thanks. How can anyone socialize in weather below 32 degrees?! No fire, because I couldn't start one. No dinner, because no fire. I did manage to make it down to the river to get a bucket of water. Mind you, the water was frozen solid by morning. I was supposed to change into different clothes before going to bed, but it was so cold I jumped right into my sleeping bag. The sun was just setting, and I decided to go to bed, because morning would come quicker if I just went to sleep. Well, I was awake all night, FREEEZING, because I had not changed into a new set of clothes. At 5:30 a.m. I woke up, packed up my bags, marched up the hill to where the leaders were peacefully sipping on hot coffee, and said rather vehemently, "TAKE ME HOME." I wasn't playing. They calmed me down, walked me back to my camp site, started a fire for me, and then left me AGAIN. I was close to using my whistle on their nature loving selves. But I decided to put some biscuits on a pan over the fire. They burned. And stuck to the bottom of the pan. PAM doesn't exist in nature. No breakfast.
It was finally time to go home. My mama was at the church as soon as the bus pulled in. She saw my face, and knew things were not good. She said, "Jenilee, I am so sorry. You will never have to do winter survival again!" Potato soup was made as soon as I got home, she fixed me a place on the couch, and brought me my pajamas. That's my mama. I've never been more thankful.
So, the bottom line is, I survived...BARELY. And that is why I hate the wilderness to this day.
The end.